I grew up in the martial arts. I can analyze and rationalize  a lot of reasons as to why fighting systems and philosophies intrigued and resonated with me, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter; this is where I am fifty-four years later, still teaching Krav Maga and self-defense. That’s perhaps the pertinent and relevant point, not just for me but for anyone who is teaching self-defense i.e., we may not be able to fully articulate what drew us and continues to draw us, but we can see that there are others who recognize the value of what we do and want to train with us etc. That’s a common bond we all share and joins us whether we were drawn to Filipino Martial Arts (FMA), traditional Karate, BJJ, MMA or Krav Maga etc. There is something that is shared by everyone who trains and practices martial arts/self-defense. Before anyone thinks I’m looking for all martial arts instructors to join hands and walk across a hill/skyline, singing, “I want to teach the world to sing”, this is not the purpose of the article. Rather I want to look at why there are instructors who feel a need to go after and put down other instructors and/or systems, mainly so that students and practitioners can understand that this isn’t necessarily about a system/instructor but rather an individual who is overly critical possibly engaging in a very human condition - that we all engage in, in certain ways - and that this should be considered when listening to the things they say about others. I write my articles three to four months in advance (this was written on November 2nd, 2025), so please don’t think that this is in reaction/response to something specific that has been posted/said about myself or anybody else. I am writing about a human phenomenon that we are all affected by.

               I grew up – academically – in an era where the work/writings of Sigmund Freud were still somewhat looked on as the “gold standard” concerning psychology. It was an era/age when people were starting to question the science behind his methods but were “academically scared” to completely dismiss some of the ideas he’d come up with. Whilst Albert Einstein respected Freud immensely, he actively campaigned  for him not to be awarded a Nobel prize because his methods could not be categorized as following/adhering to a scientific method etc. The extent to which his campaigning prevented the committee awarding Freud a prize is unknown, but it was something that Einstein felt strongly about. What we think of Freud as a “scientist” is one thing, however he was recognized, including by Einstein, as a genius and an amazing thinker.

One of the ideas that Freud came up with was the “Narcissism of Small Differences”. This theory/idea was first articulated in his 1917 essay “The Taboo of Virginity” and later elaborated in Civilization and Its Discontents (1930). He recognized and proposed that many members of groups who shared commonalities and similarities often developed fierce rivalries and hostilities over what were actually trivial distinctions between them.  He proposed that individuals and groups often exaggerate minor distinctions between themselves and others to maintain a sense of superiority and secure identity, suggesting that when fundamental similarities exist, small divergences are psychologically magnified to preserve self-esteem. Freud believed that this occurs because the shared characteristics, and commonalities of the group, threatens a person’s sense of individual uniqueness and superiority. The result of this is that people start to exaggerate tiny differences between themselves and others in order to assert their distinct identity and superiority e.g., a martial arts/self-defense instructor teaching the same art/system as another instructor working in their city/locale etc., may point out with passion why the other instructor is so wrong about a particular something that they teach etc., when 95% of what they teach is actually the same/shared.

               We are somewhat hard-wired to demonstrate our uniqueness and individuality i.e., what makes us special etc., rather than recognize what we share. To celebrate our commonalities means that we might not be as unique or special as we want others to see us as. If we can actively promote our differences and distinctiveness to others, we can tell them not to look at anybody else but ourselves – this is the narcissistic component of Freud’s theory/idea; something that drives people apart rather than draws them together. Even those who may appear to be open to discussion and debate don’t do so to grow or share but rather to dominate and sow division e.g., an instructor may say that their goal is to bring people together and discuss ideas when really it is to create a larger audience for them to preach to and demonstrate their uniqueness etc. There are of course those who are genuine in their desire to further and develop a body of work and are open to discussion and have a willingness to be proved wrong, however simply saying that these are the goals doesn’t mean that this is the case. Usually, people that we disagree with vehemently have a point and if we are unwilling to entertain this – and the possibility that they may be right and ourselves wrong – we may be susceptible to the narcissism of small differences.

               If we are perpetually looking for differences between what we and others do and practice, and find ourselves grouping ourselves around individuals and associations who attack others and/or who spend their time demonstrating differences rather than sharing and explaining commonalities, then there is a good chance we are dealing not with a collaborator who wants the best for us, but someone who wants to create conflict in order to sow division and elevate their own status i.e., make themselves appear special to others. When you find an instructor/leader who spends a lot of time explaining why other systems and approaches – in the same field as them - are wrong and emphasizing why theirs is the right “path” you are probably experiencing what Freud described as the narcissism of small differences.