Whenever I conduct a seminar or training session on personal security and self-defense, there are always some common questions that people ask and/or some common pieces of “advice” that people have been given concerning their own safety – I was teaching a group last night where one of these came up; whether you are safer talking on your mobile phone, when in a potentially dangerous situation, or not.

Firstly, the definition of risky and dangerous situations needs to be examined. Normally when people ask this question they cite the situation as being on their own, late at night, on a deserted street etc. This location in and of itself does not make it dangerous. We tend to think that we are safest in crowds and most at risk on our own, however the majority of muggings take place in crowded shopping malls and train stations etc, where there is an abundance of potential targets – this is not to say that you won’t be the victim of a mugging on a lonely street, however you are certainly not at any more risk, and statistically at less.

When we are on our own, it is brought home to us that there is nobody who can come to our assistance and aid. That we are wholly responsible for dealing with any threat or danger that we face, and it is often this that causes us to reach for our phone and to call someone; so that we’re not alone, and to have somebody who we can share the responsibility for our own safety with. The fact however is that we are alone and that we alone have the responsibility for our own safety. Unless the person you are talking to is trained, and understands how violent situations erupt, develop and evolve they are unlikely to have any good or solid advice for you to follow and however graphically you describe your environment are not going to have a better understanding of it than you who are there. Violent assaults and muggings happen quickly, so quickly that you are unlikely to have the time to act on any advice given to you anyway.

Handing over or sharing responsibility for your personal safety is a dangerous path to go down, even with someone who has your best interest at heart. It is something that many predators (sexual and financial) try to do in order to get you to trust them and hand control of a situation over to them e.g. to talk their way into your house, to get you to have a drink with them in a bar etc. It is far better to assume responsibility for your own safety in all situations and with all people.

The real danger though from talking on the phone is that you get taken out of your reality. People who talk on their phone whilst driving are far less aware of what is going on than those who are talking to a passenger in their car who may be sitting next to them. This is because when it is you and a passenger you share the same reality. If you are having a conversation and suddenly a car pulls out in front of you, your passenger reacts as well, maybe by stopping talking, making a sharp intake of breath, or even telling you to look out etc. However if you are on the phone, the person carries on the conversation as normal, without any reaction or change in their tone, speed or delivery. Rather than helping alert you to danger as a passenger would, they reinforce the idea that nothing is wrong.

This is one of the reasons why it feels comforting to talk to someone on the phone when you are feeling scared or fearful: you are brought into their world where it is safe, where there is no danger etc. You are to some degree transported to another reality. The obvious danger to this is that just like the driver talking on the phone, you are distracted to what is going on in your environment, and whatever danger or harmful intent may exist in your situation, the person on the phone will not see or be able to react or respond to, they will carry on talking as if everything is ok, when in reality it may not. It may be comforting to hear their voice and be transported into their world, and even have someone know where you are, however in the 5-10 seconds it takes for an assault to take place, the person at the other end of the phone will not have time to do anything; even if they get past, shouting “are you alright” etc as the assault takes place.

If you want the comfort of somebody knowing where you are, call them when you leave, tell them where you’re going and how long it should take you to get there. Tell them what to do in case you don’t call them when you get there at a certain time i.e. take responsibility for your safety but lose the phone. Any potential assailant will know that it distracts you from what is going on around you and that the person at the other end will not have time to do anything in the time it will take them to mug or assault you. Your reality is the one you face; accept is and deal with it – don’t try and enter into somebody else’s by calling them.