Throughout our lives we receive an education in violence, whether from situations we’ve experienced first-hand or from secondhand accounts concerning friends, acquaintances and friends of friends, news reports and other media sources (such as TV shows and Movies). From these we build “models of violence”. These models are templates that we use both subconsciously and consciously to compare what we see before us, to what we believe, or what our models believe violence looks like.  These models help us predict and evaluate whether certain situations (deserted alleyways, lonely streets etc) and/or people (those wearing hooded tops, having tattoo’s etc) pose a risk or threat to our personal safety. Oftentimes our models have been built on assumptions that are incorrect and seriously flawed e.g. that rapes occur by strangers as we walk home late at night, that assaults don’t happen in crowded places or are carried out by people we know, that muggings are restricted to deserted or isolated places etc. If we examine ourselves we will find that we have a lot of beliefs and ideas concerning violence that may seem to make sense to us but in fact aren’t based or founded in reality.

A good example of this is the assumption many people make about muggings and street robberies. Most people believe that muggers target lone individuals in quiet areas and that they are safe in crowded places. This assumption is incorrect and is founded on one principle that creates and influences their model. If we believe that a mugger doesn’t want to get caught it may seem obvious that they’ll choose deserted areas in which to work however if we also add in the idea that muggers want a good source of people to rob, deserted areas don’t seem such a likely location. A mugger, a financial predator, is much more likely to hand around a crowded transit station or busy mall on a Saturday Afternoon where there is a rich supply of people (prey), who are likely to be carrying money. Most muggers are skilled enough at their trade to rob individuals without either other people in the crowd realizing what is going on or in the knowledge that those who do see the crime will be unlikely and unwilling to get involved.

If our models are based on incorrect  assumptions and principles e.g. muggers don’t want people to see what they’re doing so they choose isolated and deserted locations for their robberies, we can prevent ourselves from acknowledging that there is such a risk to our personal safety when we are in crowded and busy locations.

If our models are based on certain stereotypes we can also prevent ourselves from identifying the real risks to our personal safety e.g. if we associate the teenagers in hooded tops who hang around at the end of a street with violence we may fail to identify the good looking and smartly dressed man talking to us at the bar as a sexual predator – despite all the warning signals (Pre Violence Indicators) he is giving off. Sexual predators/rapists are usually skilled social players who dress well, are often good looking and more often than not are extremely charming, which is why they’re able to be successful at what they do – getting women to trust them and forget basic personal safety principles e.g. don’t get into a car with someone you don’t know etc. Basically they don’t fit our idea of what a rapist is. If our “model  of violence” concerning rape is that it is based on the assumption that the rapists motivation is sex, then we may be trying to identify unattractive and physically ugly men who we think would have a difficult/impossible time getting a woman to sleep with them. Rape however is primarily about “control” and not about “sex”, therefore men who are married, who have consenting partners and an active sex-life can also be rapists; and in fact make up the largest group of rapists. If we can understand the true motivation(s) behind the violence e.g. control instead of sex, we are much more likely to build solid models of violence, which will help us make accurate predictions or at the least stop us making inaccurate ones that may divert our attention away from more realistic threats.

We have an inbuilt “fear system” that is designed to keep us safe – it moves us away from danger, often before we realize it and will hold us back (or at the least cause us to hesitate) from approaching situations which it deems dangerous. This system starts being educated during childhood and never stops learning and evolving e.g. if we hear a news report saying that there is a gang in our neighborhood who are distinguished by items of red clothing, when we see someone of a particular age wearing red our fear system will be triggered. This is an important concept to understand: our fear system is capable of being educated and we need to make sure we teach it the right things to be afraid of and not the wrong things. By creating effective and realistic models we can teach/educate our fear system to identify real threats and dangers and not be triggered by irrelevant or unreal ones. There is little point in us avoiding things and situations where there is no chance of harm just because we have built a certain model that identifies something as a risk. Many people have a fear of the mentally ill and although there are times when certain psychological disorders can result in violent behavior (normally when a person isn’t taking their medication) this is the exception rather than the norm, and yet many people have built models which suggest the mentally ill offer them a real and definite threat.

Unfortunately when building and educating our models we have a tendency to focus on the extreme and the spectacular rather than the mundane. If we watch a movie or TV show about vampires and zombies, we may well go to bed scared imagining every noise we hear to be one of the undead breaking into our bedroom, if the media starts to report  on a series of seemingly random abductions and rapes of women by a long distance truck driver, we will start to look suspiciously at every truck and lorry that passes us by – at least while the memory stays with us (and this is an important thing to understand about our fear system…it can learn to forget as well). The problem is that such abductions are rare, and vampire and zombie attacks non-existent. The case of the truck driver scares us because of its supposed random nature: we feel we have no control over whether we’d be targeted or not. This lack of control results in us being more anxious and causes our fear system to take extra note of the idea that truck drivers represent a high risk. We’re scared of vampires and zombies for the same reason i.e. our inability to control their behavior or whether we’d be a target for them.

On the whole the people who wish to cause us harm operate in the realm of the mundane and the ordinary; they don’t do spectacular things: they are the dates who at first seem nice but then won’t take no for an answer, the stranger who helps carry our shopping to the car but then doesn’t seem able to leave us alone, the fellow male student who insists on helping us with a study project but then seems to expect, and even insist that we should go out for a drink with them after a study night etc. This is not to say that every person who engages in such behaviors is less than well-meaning and genuine however these are the “unspectacular” openings and opportunities that the majority of predators use. Being randomly abducted from the street is very rare indeed however these are the situations/scenarios that seem to scare us more and the ones we are more alert to. Our models of violence have a tendency to forget the ordinary and more common dangers and focus on the more spectacular and less likely dangers.

Often our models don’t even reflect our lifestyle(s). Many women when asked about their greatest fear of violence, will talk about being sexually assaulted and/or raped – which is totally understandable. When asked to imagine the scenario or situation where it is likely to happen, they will often talk about one that appeals to their greatest “fears” but doesn’t really reflect their particular lifestyle. It may be that their greatest fear is being raped whilst their live-in boyfriend, partner or spouse is away on business, leisure or out of town etc, whilst they are home alone. When questioned as to how many times a year their partner is actually not with them, the number may be as low as 2 or 3 times. The fear doesn’t reflect the probability i.e. why would a person be more likely to be assaulted on these particular days of the year rather than others? If an individual had been conducting surveillance on the house for the past year, with the aim of commiting an assault, maybe but the profile of such a dedicated individual would suggest they’d have given a few hints and clues along the way beforehand. The fear despite being felt as “real” is “unrealistic” – it is unlikely to happen and when dissected into its component parts doesn’t make any real sense. Women often believe that they are at most risk walking home late at night however this requires them, by chance, to be unlucky enough for them to encounter a predator when it is more likely they are at risk in a large(r) social settings (groups, parties, bars, at people’s homes etc)  where such predators are more prevalent. Predators hang out where their prey hangs out. Sexual assaults are rarely random or occur by chance: they are usually committed by someone their victim knows in their home, the home of the rapist or somebody else’s house.

Our models of violence need to be based on two things: 1. Reality and 2. Lifestyle. If you expect to be assaulted by a stranger in a deserted alley etc, you need to consider how often you frequent such places (lifestyle) and the likelihood of a sexual predator being in this location at a particular time (Reality). When the likelihood of both occurring at the same time the threat is not high and probably doesn’t demonstrate the highest risk that exists to your personal safety e.g. your boyfriends overly attentive or seemingly hostile best friend may well be a much likelier candidate to consider when evaluating your personal safety. If you consider that you may spend most of your free/social time partying or in group functions it is much more likely that you will encounter a predatory individual in these situations; someone you know, who knows you. As opposed to a stranger in a location you rarely (if ever) frequent.