This week's blog is the product of a discussion that was had in a women's self-defense class I was teaching yesterday. This particular discussion, although it ends up happening most times in women's classes - maybe because they're not scared to start it - is really a non-gender specific one i.e. when do you become physical/violent in a situation that is progressing in its level and the intensity of its aggressiveness?

The first thing I would caveat, is that all situations are different and there is not one solution that is the best for all; sometimes presenting alternatives to violence will work (one of the reasons individuals become violent is that they see no other alternative to violent actions), sometimes posturing and standing your ground will work, sometimes acting submissively will be effective, other times disengagement/backing away may be a good solution, as may pre-emptively assaulting the person who is threatening you. The first thing to note, is that I don't believe violence is a last resort, I see it as an option on the table at all times, and one that can always be considered.

Violence/Physical action should never be seen as the "last resort", especially when you are dealing with an individual/aggressor who clearly appearsto be considering physical force as a way to accomplish whatever it is they're trying to accomplish - and this really was the crux of the debate. In a mugging or abduction scenario the outcome/goal the aggressor want to achieve is very clear and obvious: they want your wallet, or they want you. The situations that were being presented yesterday were ones where an individual decides they don't want to move out of a doorway, or your way to let you pass, not because they have any definable or obvious goal in mind but because they simply want to demonstrate dominance over you.

The issue here is that individuals who set out on an aggressive path, without an obvious goal, force themselves to up the ante in order to preserve their position of dominance. It is one of the dangers that comes from trash-talking, and that demonstrates an inability to control the direction of a situation. If someone stands in your way and refuses to let you pass, they are severely limitingthe options that both you and they have that could resolve the situation in a non physical manner. You have 5 ways in which you can respond to such an aggressor: you can reason with them, posture to them, act submissively towards them, run away from them or attack them.

It is unlikely that you can reason with them, and the more you try the more you will convince them that they have the upper hand, and that you lack the ability to change the situation. You can try and posture to them - they may back down, they may not. You could act submissively however this is probably the response that they are trying to achieve, and may keep pushing it. You can disengage - which may well be a good option, or you can pre-emptively strike them. If you are looking for effective solutions, fight or flight are the only one which have predictable outcomes, and that can deal with that situation. Posturing may provoke a fight - and you have given your aggressor a warning that you may become violent, giving them time to prepare (why trash-talking demonstrates a real misunderstanding of how effective self-defense works), and reasoning with them or acting submissively will only encourage them.

In these situations physical violence has to be on the table as an effective solution, with a known and predictable outcome. It may not be the "best" solution, it may transpire that the person does move after you act aggressively towards them (it's also possible that they become more aggressive towards you). You may get lucky reasoning with them, but it's not an assured outcome. I am not advocating that we go around assaulting everyone who gets in our way but that we should know how to behave and act when we are facing an individual who is upping the ante. If someone is intent on a path of verbal dominance and or trash talking and is painting themselves into a corner, by taking away non-violent options that may have been available to them, talking time is over.

We all want to avoid having to become violent however when we are faced with an aggressor whose actions and behaviors tell us there is only one direction they are heading in, and violence is definitely not their last resort, neither should it be ours. It should also be noted that violence can be of the "stun and run" variety e.g. a quick strike to the groin, and a shoulder barge past can be enough to deal with the "aggressor in the doorway" who blocks your path.