The most important piece of training equipment you have is your training partner. The way the two of you interact together is an integral part of both yours and their development. To get the most out of a training session both of you must be “working” together, however this doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it’s because one partner adds an objective that they feel the instructor forgot to mention, such as adding in undue resistance so that their partner gets to experience how a real-life attacker might react or respond (something that at some point needs to be practiced, but not when first learning the mechanics of a technique), or that a drill needs to have a competitive edge added to it, etc. These are often honest mistakes that partners make, believing that they are assisting their partner’s development, rather than hindering it. In this article, I want to look at a few areas, where well-intentioned partners go wrong, and how and why their approach to training won’t actually help their partner learn and develop.

When you learn or train something, it is no good if you always and only fail; you need some wins. If you’re never able to make a block, because your partner is feinting before they throw them, you are soon going to lose confidence in yourself, and the system you are training. Your partner may genuinely believe that feinting before throwing a strike is helping you, however if you keep failing to make a block because of it, you won’t be getting to practice your blocking, which would be the purpose of the drill you are engaged in. Most training drills shouldn’t involve trying to catch a partner out, or be seen as a competition where your partner needs to feel that they make more successful blocks than you do, etc. If you are working with somebody who is not able to complete a technique because you are working too fast for them, or applying too much strength, dial it back until your partner can get what they are practicing too work. If they are learning something for the first time, you may have to dial it back quite a bit e.g. I’ve had students on occasion, pulling a gun back as soon as they see their partner try to practice a disarm for the very first time, arguing that this is what would happen in real life, etc. This may be the case, but all their partner is getting to practice is not doing a disarm. Yes, at some point dealing with an attacker attempting to retain their weapon has to be practiced, but if an instructor doesn’t tell you to try retaining the weapon (unless your training at a level, where this is expected), then you probably shouldn’t take it upon yourself to add this component in. Stick to the drill, and have confidence in your instructor’s teaching structure and approach; it’s highly unlikely that they’ve simply forgot to mention something that you think should be included.

At my school, we do a fair amount of dynamic pad-work, and often when people partner with somebody who’s a different height to them, they forget to make the appropriate adjustments to the way that they hold the pads. I have had taller people make the argument to a shorter partner that they need to learn to punch upwards, as this will be their experience in the real world. Again, this may be the case, however to prevent bad habits from developing it is better to first learn how to strike and punch well, against somebody your own height, rather than learning to punch upwards (or downwards). For a straight punch to have maximum power, the shoulder must “sit” in the socket, rather than be raised or lifted. This allows the arm a certain degree of structural integrity when delivering power, and it also allows the back muscles to be relaxed (another important part of power development – engaged and relaxed back muscles). Only when you can punch well at your own height, should you try varying your striking height. If your partner keeps raising or lowering the pads, instruct them otherwise.

There are some people who only have one speed when training, and that is full out. This often involves their partner getting hit, or having to experience pain, when they train with them. The problem with this, is that their partner will become hesitant, and pull and hold back their attacks for fear of getting hurt. This will mean that they start to make unrealistic attacks e.g. if they keep getting hit hard in the groin every time their partner makes a defense, they’ll start to make their attacks with the hips held back, so that they can protect themselves, etc. This doesn’t make for a realistic training experience, as an attacker would not position themselves in this way. To make/practice a good defense, you need your partner to make a good attack. If they are nervous, reluctant and hesitant to engage with you for fear of getting hurt they won’t do this, and you will have deprived yourself a training opportunity. It is often those individuals who train in this way who wonder why their ability to perform techniques is inconsistent, and that their success in making them work depends on who they train with i.e. they are good against those individuals who “gift” them the technique for fear of getting hurt and/or who attack in a non-committed fashion, but not so good against those who aren’t hesitant and make proper attacks.

We all respond to motivation differently, and not everybody will respond to the things we say, as we might. You may respond well to somebody telling you that you are not punching hard enough, or that you should be punching harder, etc. Other people, especially if they are beginners, may take your “encouragement” as criticism, or even belittlement. It can sometimes be a fine line, between motivating someone and “trash talking” them, regardless of your intentions. We learn best when we are comfortable in our training environment(s), and if when you are motivating someone they don’t seem comfortable, and are not responding positively, the answer is probably not more “encouragement”. People need to practice, and practice takes time. Few people have the learning capabilities to remember more than a few basic teaching points when initially practicing a technique. Trying to keep reminding a partner about everything they should be doing is neither helpful nor constructive, no matter how well-intentioned. Advice and motivation, could well be overwhelming, and come across as overly-critical, to the person you are training with. When you motivate, see how your partner responds, when you offer instruction and help, keep it simple (and make sure you follow your own instruction – there is no better way to confuse a partner than to tell them to do something, and when it is your turn fail to do it yourself).

When training reality-based self-defense, we are all in it together. We are not training for sport or competition, where we may feel the need to demonstrate where we are in the school “pecking order”. Rather, we are looking to train ourselves, as well as those we train with, to be able to protect ourselves from attacks in the real world. Our goal should be to help each other, as well as be helped by each other, and a large part of that means being the best training partner you can be.