There are predators (those who create violent situations), there are ordinary people who get caught up in the aggression, emotion and violence of a situation and then there are those who are simply habitually violent i.e. given the chance or excuse they’ll become violent. It doesn’t matter what their motivations are e.g. if they are addicted to the adrenaline high of violence, or use it as a means to establish their position of social dominance in a group or if they simply need to assert and convince themselves of who they believe they are; the toughest/hardest guy on the planet, the person who won’t be “disrespected” etc, given a reason they will become violent.

Individuals who force violence on others do so in a ritualistic manner. Everyone but the psychopath needs an excuse to become violent. Most of these excuses are fabricated e.g. “you’re sitting in my chair” “Who are you looking at?” “Are you looking at my girlfriend?” Oftentimes the person making these threats is going through the process of convincing themselves that their reason(s) for becoming violent are justified. Many people fall into the trap of denying what they’ve just been accused of, which is to basically call out the aggressor as a liar. Tempting as it is to argue the point and deny that you were looking at somebody’s girlfriend, even if you never so much as glanced in her direction, doing so will reinforce your aggressor’s right to assault you whereas admitting it can disarm them. One of the first rules of de-escalation is to avoid denying your aggressor’s right to become emotional. It is much better to acknowledge that they are right and then present a non-contentious reason why e.g. apologize and explain that you have new contact lenses which mean that you’re squinting/looking at everyone.

Even before the question/accusation happens, eye-contact is usually made – unless your assailant simply wants to blindside you, for looking “gay”, dressing in a certain way etc in which case they may just attack you from the rear or the side, without any warning/question or eye-contact (in their mind there will still have to be a justification for their assault however tenuous it may be). One of the things I was always on the lookout for when I worked security in pubs and clubs were the individuals who “postured” and “scanned”, these were invariably the troublemakers who would end up starting a fight. These are the individuals who normally avoid the conversation of the group they are with and stare out into the distance, looking for someone who engages with them for too long. Never second-glance people, either hold a gaze and accept the consequences, or look away without looking back (both are signals of confidence but the latter doesn’t carry any challenge with it).

After eye-contact and the question, there is usually a re-affirmation of the question accompanied with an open ended threat, such as, “…so what are you going to do about it?” You can be sure that whatever answer you give it will not be satisfactory. This is your aggressor trying to work themselves up into a higher emotional state whilst at the same time attempting to be the “good guy”, the guy who gives you an option to avoid the inevitable violence and punishment they deserve. At this point trying to reconcile the situation by peaceful means would be extremely naïve this is the time for pre-emptive action. You should either strike to set up a finish or strike to disengage. Be aware that in a social setting such as a bar or club there is the likelihood of third parties coming to your aggressor’s assistance, so staying tied up with them may not be the best option.

As in all violent situations there are pre-violence indicators that are present e.g. eye-contact, the question etc, that should alert you to danger before it occurs however once an aggressor goes about confirming their actions it’s difficult to continue de-escalating and physical action is most likely required.